Buried By My Instincts

I've been thinking and meditating on the "life is not about you" theme, preparing to write the second part. I've been busy with work and life lately (not to mention the fact I'm preparing for a week long trip away from home), but I ran across a song today with lyrics that got me thinking. It's a popular song by Linkin Park called, "Easier to Run". It starts off like this,

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

The song goes on,

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away - no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played


(If I could change I would - take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would - take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

After the chorus, the next verse continues,

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

We find this verse later in the song,

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Like it or not, this song reveals something of our culture to us. Too many people identify with these lyrics, too many people understand what is being said, for us to say this artist is expressing something unique or out of the ordinary. This song is not about finding truth or defining right and wrong - it is not about finding answers or solving problems. It is nothing more than expression. The artist is (quite literally at some points) screaming out the pain within, expressing in art those things many people harbor but do not consciously explore.
Many Christians will see these lyrics and immediately detect all sorts of problems: hopelessness, guilt, selfishness and self protection, self pity, and the list could go on. It is easy for us to condemn all that is wrong here, but these are real people. How can we say we love God and yet so easily turn our backs? We feel smug because we have so correctly identified their problems and have all the answers right here in our heads. It's not good enough to know the answers. What good will this knowledge do if we hold it captive in our complacent minds and never live it out and "share it out" in love? But I digress.
What would you say to this person? What could you say? This is a hard question for me, and I'm not sure how I would answer in person. But I know what my heart is saying now as I hear this song. It is jumping up and down in excitement! It is saying, "I've found the answer! I've found hope! I knew the death of which you speak, but now I've found life!" Then, I remember my own past.
It is hard to admit, but I used to identify with this kind of song. It brought out that sweet sorrow of self pity in which I often lingered. Oh, what a terrible harvest grew from that self pity! The syrupy nectar turned to poison with my soul. Please, please, do not indulge in self pity - it will destroy you. It pushes all your pain and guilt deep within, where it can germinate and grow into something far more terrifying while blinding you to what you are becoming.
Yes, our instinct is to run. Run away from the pain, from the guilt. But our instinct only makes it worse. The very act of running creates more problems, which produces more pain, which creates more guilt, which makes us want to run... and we, the dead, are buried by our instincts. I'm sure Satan sits back with a huge grin lurking across his face at the sight of this downward spiral. He loves seeing those shackles weigh heavier and heavier.
The amazing thing is, Christ provides direct answers to almost every aspect of this song. The hopelessness, the difficulty of changing, the pain of the past, the guilt of our own choices. We can look back and see all these are endemic of the fallen human race. Paul himself faced these very things some 2,000 years ago. He was once proud, self righteous, treacherous, even murderous. He could have looked back and regretted that he persecuted Christians, bringing them to death. But Paul tells us,

"I am deeply grateful to our Lord Jesus Christ (to whom I owe all that I have accomplished) for trusting me enough to appoint me his minister, despite the fact that I had previously blasphemed his name, persecuted his Church and damaged his cause. I believe he was merciful to me because what I did was done in the ignorance of a man without faith, and then he poured out his grace upon me, giving me tremendous faith in, and love for, himself. This statement is completely reliable and should be universally accepted:- 'Christ Jesus entered the world to rescue sinners.' I realise that I was the worst of them all, and that because of this very fact God was particularly merciful to me. It was a kind of demonstration of the extent of Christ's patience towards the worst of men, to serve as an example to all who in the future should trust him for eternal life." - 1 Tim. 1:12-16 (JB Phillips translation)

And what does one do with that terrible past, Paul? What of those pains and scars?

"Yet, my brothers, I do not consider myself to have 'arrived', spiritually, nor do I consider myself already perfect. But I keep going on, grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which Christ grasped me. My brothers, I do not consider myself to have fully grasped it even now. But I do concentrate on this: I leave the past behind and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead I go straight for the goal - my reward the honour of being called by God in Christ." - Philippians 3:12-14

What is the difference between "leaving the past behind" and running away from our problems? The difference here is Christ. Paul is not running away from his past, but rather pursuing a goal (Christ Himself) and is refusing to allow his past to get in the way of that goal. Christ makes it possible for us to refuse our past like this, because, in Him, our past no longer condemns us. Running away from problems does not make them go away. Standing up and taking the blame does not remove the shame. Not even death will rescue us from the consequences of our choices. There is nothing we can do, the past is etched in history, and forever cries out against us. We live a death worse than death. But Christ came to earth and did the impossible: He makes it possible for the past to be erased and a new life begun in Him. In a paradoxical twist, we "die" to that old death-life and are resurrected into a new life in Him. Paul says it like this,

"Have you forgotten that all of us who were baptised into Jesus Christ were, by that very action, sharing in his death? We were dead and buried with him in baptism, so that just as he was raised from the dead by that splendid Revelation of the Father's power so we too might rise to life on a new plane altogether. If we have, as it were, shared his death, let us rise and live our new lives with him! Let us never forget that our old selves died with him on the cross that the tyranny of sin over us might be broken." - Romans 6:3-6

Before I go, I want to share something I read recently on this topic of art reflecting us (and us reflecting art). Ravi Zacharias gives us some thought provoking reflections on art and music, which I highly recommend to anyone who wants a little brain exercise. Enjoy!